Friday, August 4, 2017

The Road To Rediscovery

Have you ever thought about a time in your life where you felt like a different person to who you are right now? There are a few times in your life you could think that it’s the right time to find yourself, and one of those times is the breakdown of a marriage. It’s the signal of the end of a relationship and the legal severing of ties between a man and wife. It’s a sad time, one that is sometimes filled with grief and bitterness. However, it doesn’t have to be. People grow up together and in some cases, grow apart – it’s natural and when that happens you have to be able to pick up the pieces and make the best of it. The biggest struggle for most people is the challenge of finding themselves again.

To be able to rediscover who you are by yourself, you need peace. This will come after a period of grieving; even if the split was your idea! You may grieve for what should have been instead of what was, and that’s completely natural. One you’ve gone through the grieving process and getting used to living alone again, you can find peace. Activities like this that you can throw yourself into to stay busy are crucial as part of your rediscovery, but you also need to balance relaxation with it. Treating yourself to massage or yoga classes and even a holiday can help you to breathe in some new air and feel at peace.

For many, the choice to divorce comes at the end of a very long road trying to get back on track. In the unfortunate cases, it’s inevitable to have papers filed and meetings with firms like Arnold Wadsworth & Coggins in place to hash out the finer details. Once it’s done and finalized, you may feel like you can start to move forward in a new chapter of your life. When you fall in love, you give your spouse pieces of you. It’s not intentional most of the time, but the loyalty that you feel and the way you shape yourself to fit them can mean losing little parts of who you are. You build yourself next to somebody over the years in a marriage and when that part of your life ends – whatever the reason – it can feel like going back to the starting gates in the game of life. Even if children don’t factor in your relationship, you can still feel like you have lost yourself. Flipping the negativity in a relationship breakdown on its head and looking for the positive can help you to learn how to grab your own life back with both hands.

It’s very important that you reconnect with the person you always were. Meeting new people and relationships pull you in different directions, so you have to ask yourself who you are. Yes, this may be difficult as regardless of the person you were with, you are still older and still wiser than before. But what hobbies or habits have you let go of because life just got too busy? Ask yourself what you like to do and what you enjoy. Even decide to embark on one of your many bucket list items to get you back into the world. Learn that foreign language and travel that city you’ve been desperate to see. Throw yourself back into the shoes of the person you left behind and make yourself feel whole again. Rediscovery comes from re-connection and being able to make your soul sing again.

It’s important that while you are on your path to rediscovery, you try to stay away getting involved in a new relationship. Complicating your feelings by jumping into a new thing with someone else can prevent you from understanding what YOU want from life. Connect with new people, make some new friends, but keep love to one side if you can possibly manage it. You need to love you – and this takes a good deal of time. Of course, you may have been unhappy for a while, or perhaps you stayed in a boring routine out of pure obligation. However, you owe it to yourself to rediscover who you are without the pressures of a new relationship to conform to. Challenge yourself to spend a year with yourself. Go within your own thoughts and wants and reach into who you’ve always wanted to be. Signing up for new college courses can factor here, as you only need to please yourself!

Self-development tools like this and continued talk therapy can help you to break through the insecurities and upset you may feel while you understand what you want from life. You may be one of the lucky ones who comes through a divorce relatively unscathed. The beauty of that is that moving on isn’t such a difficult task and you can feel whole and contented relatively quickly after the Decree Absolute. The thing is, even when you feel like it’s been an easy break, there still may be unresolved insecurities that talk therapy can help you work through and find inner peace.
One of the biggest parts of rediscovering who you are, is the moment that you realize you can breathe again. Your values that you’ve always held but may have squashed down can come to the surface again. The music or the films that you love can be turned up loud and shouted across your home. You are only accountable for your own happiness, and that kind of freedom can feel like a release. Letting go of anything that prevented you from being who you want to be can feel as if a weight has come off your shoulders.

Finally, your road to rediscovery will not be an easy one. Working through your tangled emotions and fixing yourself financially and practically will all be done at the same time. Having a solid support system in friends and family can help to keep you upright and pushing forward, even on the days where all you want to do is curl up and cry. It’s very important to put yourself first and love who you are as an independent person. Your period of rediscovery is now and your life has just begun.


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